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Monday was a big day. After a sleepless night, I woke up, went to work, and put in my resignation. I have been considering this decision for a very long time–at least a year. I’ve spent most of my adult life working for the same company with people I consider my second family.
But my real family comes first. The daughter that needs help moving around most mornings and the son that is growing too fast need me to be their base. I thought long and hard about what is best for everyone. My kids need to have my complete attention when I am at home with them, not feeling guilty because daycare called me to pick Pea up and I had to leave. At work, I worry about my daughter and question if I should have let her stay home with her heating pad on her knees instead of forcing her to sit through a full day at daycare.
I can’t give both one hundred percent, yet both deserve it.
In the end, I am replaceable as a supervisor. I am not replaceable as the mother of my children. Though my awesome team may miss me at first, they will realize they are better off with a fully involved manager. My heart hurt a little when I signed my name on the letter. It took me thirteen years to get where I am today. Thirteen. In two weeks I will be a stay at home mom.
This is not about the so called mommy wars, stay (or work) at home moms vs work away from the home moms. I am an advocate of doing what’s best for my family when it’s best to do it. (Read about it here) I returned to work after maternity leave both times, even though after the second one my entire check pretty much went to the daycare and gas station. I returned to work because it was best for my family to be on my employer’s medical plan and for me to continue doing a job that I am good at and I enjoy.
And I am sure I will struggle with whether my decision really was better. When your focus is not split between productivity or coverage during peak visitor hours and whether or not you are shaping your little humans into being functioning, healthy people, then the focus becomes sharper. But they are my little humans. It is my job to give them the best preparation for life that I can.
I was blessed to have a daycare I trust. In this, I believe that you get what you pay for and my daycare is not cheap! I have always been grateful for the teachers there, (well maybe not as much when I sign over my paycheck each week). But, I didn’t realize how much their willingness to communicate with me meant until my son started kindergarten this fall. My whole experience with teachers has been with people who love my kids so my son’s kindergarten experience has been a little bit of a shock. Private daycare vs public magnet school. So far, the daycare is ahead. It’s okay, though. That school is about to see a whole lot more of me. I will be involved. Heads up.
My world has shifted but maybe it just had to move back to where it belongs.
Pouring my heart out with Shell.
Summer says
:Smiles: It is definitely a brave yet tough decision to shift from a working mom to a stay at home mom. I am glad that you chose to put your family first and give 100% to your kids. The rewards will be numerous and countless. Plus you never know what door this might open for you. May God’s will for your family and also you come to past. Proud of you (((hugs)))
AwesomelyOZ says
This is an extremely hard decision but definitely be blessed you DO have that option to stay at home and be with your little humans. And you can always go back in your line of work and do what you need to do but that time with your kids you never get back. I am finally at a job where my schedule is flexible and I get one work from home day; so I get off in time to pick up my son and spend the remainder of the day with him. It’s the greatest blessing – makes you feel like a REAL mom, haha. Have a great one and I am sure your decision was the right one. -Iva
AwesomelyOZ recently posted…Happy Holidays to all & to all a Goodnight (Until 2014)
Herchel says
Thanks Iva! Today was my last day at work and it feels good to know I all my time will be focused on my family.
Shell says
The decision to work or to stay home is a huge one, and everyone has to find what works for their families. Good for you for putting so much thought into it and deciding what you want!
Shell recently posted…Review Extravaganza: Week 2
thedoseofreality says
Beautiful post. It sounds as though you made the decision with your head and your heart, and so it will definitely be the right one for your family.-Ashley
thedoseofreality recently posted…Would You Rather: Watch Elf or A Christmas Story?
Herchel says
Thanks, Ashley. I did my best to look at all the angles.
Kim Miller says
No matter what you choose, its going to be a hard one.. so right now, you made the decision you believe to be best for your family, and that’s what you go with, just like you did before. NO one can judge, unless they have been in your exact situation! (which no one has, ever!) Kudos for such an honest post. Its hard to share your heart!
Kim Miller recently posted…Crud.
Danielle says
I am very happy that you have finally been able to make this change. I know it’s something you have wanted for a while. It’s unfortunate we work for a company that doesn’t understand the concept of family. It has changed there a lot. I’m glad your kids will have you around.
Gracielle says
You’re very blessed to have the choice to stay at home or work. Sounds like it was a very hard decision for you to leave work, but you’re doing what’s best for your family! Congrats!
Gracielle recently posted…{Wordless Wednesdays} Waiting for Santa
Herchel says
I do feel blessed to be able to do this. In this world, having one parent without a job is inherently risky but we feel that they need me home right now.
Rabia @TheLiebers says
Wow! That’s a big decision!! It sounds like a great decision for your family, and it’s awesome that you are able to do it!!
Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted…Wordless Wednesday: Christmas Pictures edition
Shay says
I totally agree that each family should do what’s best for them – and it sounds like you’re doing exactly that. Welcome to stay at home motherhood – it makes me want to bang my head against a wall sometimes but I honestly wouldn’t trade it for the world. 🙂
Shay recently posted…PYHO: Holiday Mommy Confessions