I know you have found my blog even though you never comment. I see it in my Google search referrals every day: “miscarriage quotes.” Well I am writing to you today because there are a few things I want you to know.
It’s been thirteen months since my miscarriage and it still hurts.
But it doesn’t hurt all the time.
The darkness will recede.
It may not happen right away but each day you will wake up, feed, and clothe yourself. Each day will be just a little less black than the day before. Your forced smiles will become real ones. You will laugh again. Maybe not soon, but you will.
You will forgive God.
You will forgive everyone and everything else you will blame at one point or another–even if the blame forever remains unvoiced.
One day, you will even forgive yourself.
You will stop wondering if you rested enough, rested too much, ate too much junk food or restricted yourself too much, if things would have been different if you exercised more or exercised less. You will stop replaying every situation that caused you stress during your short, unfinished pregnancy and wondering if a different reaction would have kept you from miscarrying.
You will accept that it was out of your control. Because it was.
I think about where I am today versus where I was this time last year and I am happy again. It didn’t come suddenly but was a long drawn out process that finally occurred to me as I was getting ready to work out one day last week.
I finally forgave the one irrational and vague target for my blame that lingered still long after all the others were put to bed.
I was angry at “being healthy and fit” for over a year. In my unacknowledged anger, I had eaten poorly and refused to exercise. Yes it makes no sense but it doesn’t make it any less true. I was exceptionally healthy when we unexpectedly conceived. I was running every day and loved weight training with my home set up. I felt great and in the prime of my life. Even though I was over 35, I felt healthier than I had at 25. Losing the baby when I was at the peak of health was a betrayal I couldn’t fathom. It was so unfair.
One year and almost 20 pounds heavier I am fighting my way back to healthy. I don’t regret the year of indolence because it was the time I needed.
Take the time you need to grieve but know this….
You are not alone. When you are ready to talk to others of your pain, you will find that there are many of us walking this path. Many of us who have faced this pain and know that there are no words that can make it go away. We are here when you are ready to talk. Miscarriage is not spoken of and not often advertised but so many of us have experienced it. I write to you today because I just want you to know that we are here. Many of us.
All my love,
PS. If you are like me, you may find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. My friend Becky of Your Modern Family is one of the authors of a new ebook titled Blessings Through Raindrops–Stories of Hope after Loss. I believe in sharing in this experience and bringing miscarriage out of the shadows so I have chosen to become an affiliate for the ebook.
You may also find comfort in these quotes.