In honor of Throwback Thursday and because we have had an exciting couple of days dealing with an unexpected allergic reaction. I decided to write about my “first child,” Tyson, who is waiting for me over the rainbow bridge and my “second child,” Mia, who is terrorizing my brother in law and his wife now because Pea’s worst allergy is dog dander.
For seven years before the birth of our kids, the Hubs and I doted on our two labs. We foolishly thought that the responsibility of having dogs would adequately prepare us for kids. Ha!
10 ways our dogs did not prepare us for Toddlers
1. If your dog is chewing your shoe, you can shove it under the couch. He stops. If your toddler is chewing your shoe, you can shove it under the couch…and he will lie on his stomach, reach under the couch, get it, and resume chewing.
2. The “dog room” and the “play room” are not the same. You can leave your dogs in the dog room for a couple hours but you cannot leave your toddler in the play room for four hours. He will open the door and follow you around. Or lock himself in and you out and commence to screaming his head off.
3. Feeding a dog requires opening a can or bag, pouring it into a bowl, and stepping out of the way. Feeding a child requires cooking the food, cutting it into bite-sized chunks, filling a sippy cup, catching the kid, putting him in the high chair, grabbing him when he attempts to climb out of the chair, spooning food into his mouth, ducking when he throws it, washing spaghetti sauce out of his hair but forgetting to wash it out of yours, then doing it again in a few hours.
4. Dogs clean up all the mess on the floor after meals. Kids do not.
5. You can watch anything you want on the tv with your dog in the room with no repercussions. If you watch the walking dead with your toddler, be prepared for tears, hysterics, and later your kid attacking a stranger at the grocery store because they look like a zombie. Since my kids have acted out many a disney jr scene, I can only assume they would have acted out a zombie killing scene as even I am not brave enough to let them watch HBO.
6. Dogs have to be let out or walked to use the restroom. Toddlers do not. Though it may seem like a hassle in the middle of the night or during a tropical storm (or 4 in one summer), once the dog uses the restroom you are done. When you have a toddler you either need to change their diaper and wipe them or entice them to use the potty, then wipe them. Or you may need to chase a naked toddler that has just used the gone poo on the carpet and proceeded to play in it and now needs a bath.
7. It’s easy to nap when you have dogs. Chances are they will plop down next to you and nap. Toddlers find it hilarious when they pry open their mommy’s eyelids or slap them on the face when they feel you beginning to doze off. It’s in the toddler handbook.
8. It is not a big deal when your dogs sniff butts and lick everything in sight. It is alarming when your child sniffs your but and tries to lick the couch, the window, the chair, or the toilet. It’s pretty gross when the dog drinks out of the toilet. It is horrifying when you see your kid try to attempt the same thing.
9. Dogs will let you dress them up any sort of way. Kids will dress up when there is no reason. And get mad when there is a reason.
9. Dogs tell you they love you with their cuddles and eyes. Toddlers tell you I love you with their cuddles and eyes…and the words that melt your heart.
Rest in Peace Tyson. I love you.
And don’t harass him too much up in heaven, Dutch, because cousins or not, he’ll snap at you.