On “Shame suits” and consequences

This isn’t my normal type of post but I have something on my mind.  This weekend a local story of a teen that was punished for breaking her high school’s dress code made national news.  I saw the story pop up on my newsfeed from regular news outlet, as well as buzzfeed and uproxx to my surprise and dismay.

Before it became a national story,–and really?  is this something that should be a “national story?”– I read the discussion regarding this situation in our neighborhood ‘s Facebook group.  The common opinion is students received the guidelines on the first day of school.  Students are well aware of the dress code.  The student made the wrong choice and faced the consequence.  Lesson learned.

My children go to an elementary school in the same county.  My two children, especially my kindergartner who has special health issues, had so much paperwork for me to fill out that I admit I didn’t spend too much time scrutinizing the dress code.  However, both my kindergartner and first grader, had to be read the cell phone “contract” and sign beneath my signature.  Cell phones are to be off during school hours.

The teen was in a skirt that was deemed too short.  She was given a choice to wear the bright yellow “dress code violator ” tee shirt and red sweat pants, call her parents, or sit in in-school suspension all day.  She chose the outfit.  Then according to her mother’s story, she was so mortified about being seen in the outfit by her classmates that she went into the restroom and violated the cell phone policy to snap a picture of herself to send to her mother, who promptly made sure that the media was alerted.  The mother wants to file a complaint with FERPA that her daughter’s privacy was breached by the school yet publicizes the entire situation?  Mom feels that the school is humiliating and bullying her daughter?  How about all the internet trolls?  The general consensus does not agree with this student’s mother.

Photos of the teen in the too short skirt were shown in the media.  They were obviously taken for the express purpose of proving that the student was wronged by the school administrators.  But the policy states that the skirts must come to the knees, and this skirt was a few inches above the knee.  I read comments from readers saying that there was nothing wrong with the skirt’s length.  However, like this high school student, I learned the hard way that a skirt that grazes your fingertips from the front may not be quite as long from the back because females have curves.  More fabric is needed in the back of the skirt to account for those curves.  I learned that lesson when I wore a dress with a similar cut to work.  Unfortunately, the dress wasn’t quite as appropriate when viewed from behind!

I worry that I am too protective of my children.  I worry that in my desire to protect them, I unwittingly hamstring them.

Will this young lady, whose mother is defending her so fiercely and publicly, learn to be accountable for her own decisions and stand on her own two feet?

I will never forget working as a call center manager and receiving phone calls from the mothers of my adult employees defending their child’s failure to make their minimum sales goals or making excuses for their child’s poor work attendance.  When did mothers start calling their children’s bosses?!

Stories like these remind me that though I love that my kids need me, what they need is to learn to handle life on their own.Tweet

Yes, I will be there to support them when they are right.  Yes, I will fight for them when needed.  Yes, I will always defend my children.  But hopefully, I will also teach them to accept the consequences when they are wrong.