I haven’t written about Juvenile Arthritis is a while. Why? Because we haven’t had any juvenile arthritis flares. JA can be tricky like that. It slinks back into it’s little hidey-hole only to charge back into our life when we least expect it.
But last week, I walked into the living room to find my daughter sprawled out on our ottoman saying that she hurt. I thought she was joking. Who puts a neatly folded blanket beneath them and perfectly positions herself to be seen by her mother in the middle of the living room? Pea does. She likes to set the scene and act out the dramas running through her head. So I laughed, thought it was cute, and instagrammed it.
And then I looked at her knees and one was swollen. She wasn’t being dramatic. JA decided to make an uncharacteristic summer visit.
JA tends to rule our world when it is around leaving both Pea and myself feeling helpless.
We hate that feeling.
We went to the pediatrician for a follow up. As usual, Pea was her happy, sassy self. The doctor prescribed a steroid to bring down the inflammation and we went on our happy way.
Then, she got carsick on the way to the pharmacy. Though not normal, it’s also not an abnormal occurrence for her.
The next morning she woke up with a fever and parked herself on the couch refusing to eat, drink, or speak….which is VERY abnormal. She can be at a 9 on the pain scale and will still eat and sing.
I always check the kids’ throats with a pen light when there is a sudden fever. So back to the doctors office we went. Pea hates needles and medicines and most of all, she despises throat swabs. There was a 100% chance of a throat culture on the horizon
She also got sick as we were on the way and had to suffer the indignity of being quickly ushered through the waiting room without a shirt on.
The throat swab was a battle. The two finger sticks were another battle. The culture came back positive for strep as expected and the nurse practioner offered me two choices.
A one time antibiotic shot or ten days of oral antibiotics. I turned Pea around and explained the two choices to her.
And the nurse practioner looked at me like I was the worst mother in the world for letting my five year old decide.
I wanted to say, this child has been at the mercy of her own immune system and joints for most of her life. She is forced to endure tests, regular labs, medications, allergies, and she’s been held down, screaming, three times in the last fifteen minutes. If she prefers to add another medicine rather than be stuck AGAIN then that is up to her.
Instead, I looked into Pea’s eyes and repeated to the nurse that the decision was hers.
Sometimes all it takes is a small measure of control to help a little one through a tough moment. Tweet
There are many other choices that are left to me and her father to make. There was no harm in this small choice. Either way, she was the one that would either get the shot or have to take that nasty medicine every day for ten days. So turn those crazy eyes somewhere else, lady. This is my child.
This is my battle against the potential psychological damage that having a chronic pain condition can inflict on my child. She will not be taught to helplessly allow decisions to be made for her regarding her health. She will be raised to be informed. She will be taught to take control.
Christa says
I think you are a GREAT mama for doing that and it’s just the kind of thing I’d have done. Why shouldn’t kids have some say in their medical decisions, especially when the overall outcome will be the same meaning there are no wrong choices??
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Herchel says
I know. It’s odd how some women think they have to make every decision for their kids.
Rabia @TheLiebers says
Good for you! Why not let her make the decision. If both choices were equally effective means of treating the infection, then why does it matter which one she chose? If one of the methods were more effective, then the nurse should have explained that and you could have included that info in your explanation to Pea!
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Denise G. says
Poor baby! I don’t blame you for letting her make the decision. It wasn’t like you were giving her a choice to have the culture done or not or choosing to go without medicine. You let her choose how she would like that medicine best. Kudos to you!
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Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life says
Shame on that nurse. All you were doing was giving her a little bit of control. You know your own child better than anyone else!
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Herchel says
Who knows? She may have been surprised by my handing the decision over to a tiny screaming half naked child. Because it was an “urgent visit,” and her pediatrician was booked, we were seen by the new nurse practitioner. Our pediatrician is awesome and would have handled the situation better, but she knows Pea very well and would have given her the choice like I did. I am beginning to wonder if parents don’t take an active interest in their children’s healthcare. New doctors that we see are always surprised when I ask informed questions. Some have even asked if I worked in healthcare…and this was before I decided to go back to school to become a nurse. I am not the type that will just accept treatments or recommendations without thoroughly researching it…
Sandy Sandmeyer says
Way to go, Herchel! What a great way to give Pea some control. I applaud you!
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Joanna Sormunen says
My son has a lot of allergies and he was constantly sick when he was little, with ear-thoat-and-nose-infection. Sometimes it was ten times on a row, sometimes even more, sometimes less. I got used to tell the doctors to give him the hard stuff from the beginning, the light one would not work anyways. Then he had to endure series of vacatinations for the allergies, loads of allergy medicine and even an inhalator. I tried to give him the choice as much as possible because when it came the time to give the pennicillin shot, there was no choice and he couldn’t take the pain. Even the people giving him the shot couldn’t take it. I usually got the cold-unnatural-mother-eyes, because I just told them to give him the shot, even those he screamed and begged not to. But after you child has had ten or more times oral antibiotics, the infection is everywhere in his respiratory system, he’s constantly taking medicine that is making him unwell, well, you don’t say, let’s see if this one works… You say, the pain sucks, I would love to take the shot for you, but you will feel so much better TOMORROW, I’m here and whatever other choice there is that you can make, I will let you.
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Herchel says
If we had the same issue with the oral antibiotics not working, I would certainly do the same. I get that hard look often when it comes to my kid’s medical care but thankfully in this instance I was able to give her the choice. I hope your son’s allergies have gotten better.
Lillian Connelly says
I think letting your child choose was a fantastic idea. My daughter is 4 and she knows exactly what she likes and wants and exactly what she doesn’t. I really like what you said at the end about teaching your daughter to take control over her own medical decisions. I think that is so important.
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Herchel says
Thank you, Lillian. Sometimes I think she is too set on her likes and dislikes but she is a strong willed girl and knows her own mind. 🙂
natasha says
Being a nurse, I think what you did was brilliant. Very touched. Your childs chronic ailments can wear you down. You are doing GREAT!
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Herchel says
Thank you Natasha. I’m about to start nursing school myself, please pray for me 😉
Jennifer says
Right on! I’m often given a bit of disbelief for the “freedom” and choices that I allow my daughter to have, but what people don’t tend to have an issue with is how confident and comfortable my daughter is within our relationship and her choices. But beyond everyday choice, giving your child power and autonomy within her medical issues from a young age — esp when there is a reoccurring medical issue — is so POWERFUL, and you said it perfectly — she will be less likely to feel a victim to her circumstances, and she will not blindly accept advice or treatments without also applying her own knowledge and intuition, which is so necessary… Bravo, mama!
Herchel says
It’s true, Jennifer. It’s funny how people can judge a mother on the freedom they give their children, and yet praise the child for their independence and confidence the next day. Though I have to fight my natural inclination to do everything for my kids, I know that one day they will need to know how to do things for themselves.
Crystal C says
I totally agree with your decision. Why shouldn’t she have got to make the choice. Good for you!
Herchel says
I have had to remind her a couple of times that she made the choice. I think the look she gives me when I remind her hilarious but the medicine is working and she knows it. Thank you for stopping by!
Lyn says
You are a wise mother and woman. children need to feel like they have a choice in decisions that affect then in this way. Good for you for empowering Pea.
Herchel says
Thanks, Lyn! (You are biased though.)