Is your to-do list a mile long? There are days when the weight of that list settles into my bones and renders me immobile–and cranky. Being a busy mom gets so busy.
[clickToTweet tweet=”When ‘busy’ overshadows ‘mom’ it’s time to step back and re-evaluate priorities. ” quote=”When the ‘busy’ overshadows the ‘mom’ it’s time to step back and re-evaluate priorities. “]
Do you struggle with your to-do list? Sit down and think about how you spend your time and what you can let go.
I choose quality fun time with my husband and the kids first…pretty much over everything after the basic necessities of life. I choose their smiles over the dishes. Always.
Second is education and physical activity. Kids need to run and play outside every day.
Blogging comes next. Writing feeds my need to be doing something productive and intellectually challenging. It has prevented me from feeling isolated and discontented with my stay-at-home life. Over the years it has transformed from a hobby into a viable means of contributing to the household and now I identify as a “work from home” mom.
It is a tough transition to go from having two incomes for so many years to one. It’s also difficult to curb the ambition and need to be doing something interesting that is inherent in my personality.
Only after all of that come housework.
I know that my prioritization isn’t the same as many other mothers. And my husband and I have differences in opinion in this respect. I have friends that always have spotless homes. And there are those friends whose social lives are a priority. There is nothing wrong with either scenario.
It’s just not what I choose to do first, myself.
I choose the prioritization that is best for me…for right now. This will change.
I write this now because I am no longer struggling with my choices. Sure, I wish the laundry was folded right away. I wish that I didn’t spend so much of my time in the kitchen. Yes, I want to be more organized.
But will I ever choose to fold and put away laundry while my kids sit in front of the tv for hours or play together so long they start to get sick of each other and fight? (Granted they “help” with the laundry now.)
No, I won’t.
My mother is one of those moms that was always busy and always cleaning something. If she wasn’t suffering from Rheumatoid Arthritis now she would probably still be mopping her kitchen floors three times a day. (How sad is it that her home is still much cleaner than mine when she can sometimes barely move around?)
But when I think of my childhood with my mom, her constant cleaning and folding of laundry aren’t what brings the smile to my face.
I think of my mom expertly catching a dragonfly, tying a piece of thread to its tail, and flying it like a kite while her three little kids clapped in delight.
I remember the first time we woke up to a hard freeze after fPCS’ing to Mississippi. I can still picture my Filipino mom’s eyes drinking in the frozen beauty of the icy yard. I can hear her laugh while grabbing spatulas from the kitchen so we could run outside and scoop up the little bit of snow. We slid on the ice in our driveway for an hour.
I remember her consternation at all the broken spatulas after we were done playing.
And times like that are what I want my kids to think about.
I want to leave my kids with so many fond memories that one day they will look back and smile over the awesome fun we’ve had.
Daddy has his horsey rides and his rolling around on the ground wrapped up in our two kids laughing like crazy hyenas.
What I want my kids to remember about their mom
They will have memories of crafting with me. They will remember the times that I snuck up on them like a ninja. All the times I have done that and all the times that I will do it in the future.
My son will remember that I was Robin to his Batman.
My daughter will remember the time she finally “got me.” She released a blown up, but untied, balloon next to my head when I was so engrossed in writing that I didn’t know she was there. I had a mini heart attack.
I am okay with the DIY modeling clay craft beads drying on the table.
I am okay with the empty jars waiting to be painted.
I am almost okay with the random pieces of scrapbook paper I keep finding.
Each time they make a decoration with their kids, I want them to remember making decorations with me.
I don’t want them to have memories of me being too busy to give them attention.
One of the biggest changes to my parenting since I left work is how I now view the weekend. Once upon a time, all chores got completed on the weekends. Housework, projects, wrestled against trips to the zoo or family fun in the two “free days” I had during the week. My goal now is to keep the clutter at a manageable level and perform cleaning tasks during the week so that the weekends can be reserved for fun.
[clickToTweet tweet=”At the end of our lives, our most valuable possessions are the memories we’ve shared. ” quote=”At the end of our lives, our most valuable possessions are the memories we’ve shared. “]
Memories
Every time we pick up the paint brush, that is what we are creating.
Every picnic in the park is an adventure.
I can’t catch dragonflies but I can join in the hunt for fairies and gnomes in Butterfly Hollow or explore the history of old Florida at the County Fair.
Each time I snap a photo during a soccer game or I find a photo one of the kids took of me while I wasn’t watching with my phone, I know that what we are creating together is much more valuable than having a clutter free table for a couple of hours.
I’m a crafter. What is better than crafting memories? Tweet
It’s taken a while for me to come to terms with my messiness. There is a difference between messy and dirty/unhealthy! I mop a couple times of a week (I’m not EVER going to mop every day lol.)
I just won’t feel guilty about the mess anymore. I’ve accepted my reasons and my prioritization makes sense to me. Some of the stress has melted away now that I understand and accept how things are. Have you ever sat down and consciously thought about why and how you do the things you do day to day? If so, did it affect the way you do or stress about things?
PS and so now I leave you to go clean 😉
OMG this speaks to me so much. Me and my to do lists. I need to do better about how my kids will remember me.
Herchel – Thank you so much for. this. It is just what I needed to read today. We had a great morning here, but just as I sit down after nap, I feel so overwhelmed by the endless amount of cleaning that seems to need to be done. There’s always something. I think your perspective is wonderful and I’m thankful to have read this today!
I think I need to get a Robin costume for our next family photo. Great post and great reminders!
I love this post! My mom was a stay at home mom, and she is definitely an inspiration for when I get kids. Thank you for reminding me!
Great post and so true. We must be present and no sweat the small stuff.
THIS is beautiful. Thanks for the important reminder to just be present.
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Thank you Kristen! I complain about the mess in my house all the time but I can say that I do spend time every day just being and playing with my kids.
This post is incredible. I left my corporate job as well to go to grad school and be more present. I want to pick a theme word, too…and use it as my mantra. I like yours – create…I think mine will be listen and enjoy. (Ok that’s a few words…but still could be a mantra.)
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It’s a great feeling to be able to spend time with those you love!
I agree completely! Happy SITS Day!
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I love this post Herchel. My kids remind me every day that they are growing up too fast. This post is such a great reminder to stop and enjoy every single minute of it, because it will be gone before you know it. The work will still be there, even when the kids are grown and gone (and that part really sucks). But now we’re off to start the holiday break, woo hoo! Happy SITS day!
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Sounds like your kids are very lucky to have a Mom who prioritizes fun and time spent with them. AND it sounds like you have a lot on your plate, so balancing it all isn’t easy. I probably err on the side of obsessing about order too much.. hence, I started an organizing business. But in the end, a happy Mom is a wonderful gift to give your children, right? So hooray for prioritizing what gives us joy & peace and makes us fun to be around:)
Thanks seana! But i am constantly working on my organizational skills. It doesn’t come naturally so I have to rethink how i do everything.
I absolutely love this! Great post. Pinned. It is so fun to party with you. Thank you. I hope to see you at our party on Monday at 7 pm. http://loulougirls.blogspot.com/
Happy Saturday! Lou Lou Girls
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Love love love this post! I am planning our weekend now. No more working all day on the weekends! Thank you for this, and yes…the y do grow so fast. I feel like I went to bed with an infant and woke up the next day with a toddler. Ok gettting emotional! LOL Great post!! 🙂
Aw thanks Gabriella 🙂 I think we get caught up in all the daily chores of life. I hate looking at my “baby” and seeing a “child” sometimes.
Awesome post! Loved it and going to find a way to follow you. Hope you’ll visit me sometime! Teresa at NanaHood.com
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Such a great, honest post. yes, priorities are a constant struggle. we want to be the perfect mom, and it’s so much harder these days. I love to watch Mad Men where the women had nannies and cooks and could go horseback riding when the kids were in school during the day (one of the earlier episodes). Now, women have to work and make dinner and clean on top of our need and want to be with our kids and spend quality time. it’s challenging!
Linking up from the traffic jam. Nice to meet you!
Cheers, Shana from Technotini
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I so agree! Time is precious—with our ridiculously fast-growing children and with the rare time to ourselves—and there are a million things that I prioritize over cleaning. Like, seriously, a million. You’re so right: Kids won’t remember a spotless floor, but they will remember all of the wonderful mothering that you’re doing. I say enjoy it guilt-free. So says one non-cleaner to another. 🙂
Dawn at Momsanity recently posted…A Lesson in Defensive Toddlering
Beautiful post Herchel! I can hardly believe how quickly my kids are growing up. My oldest will be a teen this year…ahhhh! And while he’s not your typical middle schooler that is embarassed to be seen with me, I know that is inevitable. I gotta enjoy him and his little brothers while I can.
Thanks for sharing with #smallvictoriessunday!
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Enjoyed reading your post. The cobwebs will be there tomorrow… The memories & gifts of today will not. I so agree with you, life is to be enjoyed 🙂
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Stopping by from #trafficjamweekend …what a great reminder that it’s okay to not mop every day!
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Thank you for stopping by Julie! I am the first to admit that a dirty floor gives me the heebie jeebies but every day is too much!
{Kathy} It sounds to me like you have your priorities perfectly straight, my dear. Those kiddos are not going to drawing “I love you” in the mulch forever. As far as the costumes….well, Halloween is always a blast around here. Don’t ever stop dressing up!
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Your kids are just the cutest!! Great post Herchel. Sometimes, we just need to have some fun! Visiting from the Gingham & roses link up.
Thanks, May 🙂 your “flush of pink” outfit is cute!
I love this post so so much! I spent a good deal of my childhood away from my mom and although I know it was out of necessity, I get sad because there are very few things I can remember doing with her when I was a kid. Something I do not want my kids to go through. Damn the dishes, I’m spending time withmy kiddos as much as I can, especially that I’m not a sahm.
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I have to go and get them all new clothes because they are getting so tall. It makes me want to cry! I did, in fact, do the dishes today since Pea felt well enough to go to preschool for a couple of hours…and I even started folding laundry
Oh I feel awful when I neglect my blog but like you, the kids come first. The best thing about my blog is that I can roll crafting and playing with them into a post.
I wish we all chose to live just like this. Enjoying the moment…. it’s why I’m not the best blogger. I do have guilt when I neglect my blog, however I would have far more guilt if I neglected my minis.
You’re such an amazing mother, I absolutely love to see what you’re creating with your babies!
xoxo
Such a great post Herchel! I love it! I try hard to do both – clean and play. I do that by definitely cleaning and doing laundry and household chores during the week, and then specifically first thing in the morning, when it’s still too cold to go out to the park and the museums aren’t open quite yet.
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I wish my daughter didn’t have my same cluttering tendencies! I clean, she clutters. My son just forgets that he leaves things everywhere and when I remind him he cleans it up. My daughter just gets more stuff out.
Amazing post, and so true, on SO many levels. It made my day!
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Then my work here is done 😉 I am happy you had a better day today.
This post is just…
Just…
FANTASTIC! It gave me goosebumps!
It made me want to play with my kids, which I am going to go do now!
P.s You make a pretty hot lookin Robin!
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Aww thanks Echo!